Last Week on Inked Brownies

Guest Post by Andrew Joyce: Danny and The Three Monsters

My name is Andrew Joyce and I write books for a living. Anne has been kind enough to allow me a little space on her blog to promote my new novel RESOLUTION: Huck Finn’s Greatest Adventure. I think it’s a good book, but what do I know? Anyway, I’m kinda shy about tooting my own horn. So I think I’ll turn things over to my dog, Danny, to toot it for me. He always has an attitude and usually does not speak highly of me. But please understand that we co-exist as the old Soviet Union and the United States once co-existed. We tolerate each other. So without further ado, here’s Danny the Dog.

Andrew took me away from watching reruns of Lassie to help him out here. For a person who works with words for a living, he has very little to say in real life. He wants me to tout his book for him, but I don’t think I will. Instead, I think I’ll tell you about our latest adventure. We’re always having adventures. I like to write about them and what I write is 100% true.

Danny Looking Good

Hello dog fans, it is I, Danny the Dog! I’ve been helping Andrew look after three Labrador retrievers. What a nightmare! There is Chloe, who is fourteen months old, and then there is Beau and Hank. They are both four months old, and they are holy terrors. They live on a boat down at the end of the dock. (We live on a boat also.) Their human was going out of town and he asked my human to look after them, and Andrew, being the idiot that he is, said yes.

First of all, I want to say to Jeff, the human that lives with the three monsters, don’t ever leave them in Andrew’s care again. I wouldn’t trust him to look after a taco, much less three dogs.

The trouble started right away. Jeff had two crates (humans call them crates; I call them cages) for Beau and Hank because, as I’ve said, they are holy terrors. Andrew went over to take them for their first walk after Jeff left, and of course, he has to take me along to help out. Anyway, Andrew gets them out of the crates and is getting them off the boat when clumsy Hank falls into the water.

Let me paint the picture for you. It was nighttime. It was dark. The water was dark and Hank is black. Andrew and I could see nothing of Hank. We could only hear him splashing around. The dock is about five feet above the water so Andrew couldn’t get him out by standing on the dock. Being the genius that he is (just kidding), Andrew got on the swim platform, which—for you landlubbers—is attached to the back of a boat and is only a foot above the water.

Now this is where Andrew’s “genius” comes into play. He took off his glasses and placed them on the transom so they wouldn’t slip off while he was bending over to pull Hank out of the water. He called to Hank. Hank swam over and Andrew got him onto the boat. Then Andrew went to get his glasses and they were not there or anywhere else on the boat. It looked as though Beau knocked them into the water because he had his paws up in that general vicinity while he was watching Andrew rescue his brother (they’re twins). All this in the first five minutes of Andrew looking after the monsters. And it only got better, and by better, I mean worse. I had a ball watching Andrew trying to cope for four days.

On to the next disaster, but first a side note. For some reason, Beau is enthralled with me. The damn dog wouldn’t leave me alone. He put his snoot in my face, ran around me, bounced around me; he was a royal pain in my rear end. Finally, I had to growl at him and give him a little nip on his snoot to get some peace.

Now back to Andrew’s genius. We got the dogs back on the boat without further mishaps. Andrew fed them and all was well. But then Andrew decided not to put Hank and Beau in their crates. He felt sorry for them being cooped up like that. Big mistake!

The next morning when we went to get them, there was poop everywhere. The whole floor was covered in it. The babies had gotten into the dog food bag, ripped it open and ate it all. Then they pooped everywhere and walked in it. They got it on the couch, on the sliding glass doors, on everything. I think even on the ceiling. Needless to say, after spending two hours cleaning it all up, Andrew changed his mind about the crates.

Last night we were hanging out. Andrew was staring into space because he did not have his glasses and could not read a book or see the computer screen. I was on the computer starting this story when Chloe came onto our boat. She’s always coming here and stealing my water bowl! To date, she has taken five. But she should have been locked up on her own boat! Andrew got up, looked out, saw Jeff, and said, “Thank God! Thank God!” I barked the same thing. Our days of taking care of the monsters were over. Thank God!

P.S. This morning Jeff came over with Andrew’s glasses. Beau had taken them and hidden them in his stash place.

That’s about it for now. If I hurry, I might be able to catch that Rin Tin Tin movie on TCM.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot—check out Andrew’s new book on Amazon and make the old guy’s day. The price will be lowered from $3.99 to $0.99 from the 20th to the 25th of June, and again on the 4th and 5th of July.

This is Andrew again. On behalf of Danny and myself, I would like to thank Anne for having us over. It’s been a real pleasure.

About Andrew

Andrew Joyce left high school at seventeen to hitchhike throughout the US, Canada, and Mexico. He wouldn’t return from his journey until decades later when he decided to become a writer. Joyce has written four books, including a two-volume collection of one hundred and forty short stories comprised of his hitching adventures called BEDTIME STORIES FOR GROWN-UPS (as yet unpublished), and his latest novel, RESOLUTION. He now lives aboard a boat in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, with his dog, Danny, where he is busy working on his next book, YELLOW HAIR.

Andrew ll

You can find Andrew’s website HERE.

 Andrew’s Latest Book

” It is 1896 in the Yukon Territory, Canada. The largest gold strike in the annals of human history has just been made; however, word of the discovery will not reach the outside world for another year.

By happenstance, a fifty-nine-year-old Huck Finn and his lady friend, Molly Lee, are on hand, but they are not interested in gold. They have come to that neck of the woods seeking adventure.

Someone should have warned them, “Be careful what you wish for.”

When disaster strikes, they volunteer to save the day by making an arduous six hundred mile journey by dog sled in the depths of a Yukon winter. They race against time, nature, and man. With the temperature hovering around seventy degrees below zero, they must fight every day if they are to live to see the next.

On the frozen trail, they are put upon by murderers, hungry wolves, and hostile Indians, but those adversaries have nothing over the weather. At seventy below, your spit freezes a foot from your face. Your cheeks burn—your skin turns purple and black as it dies from the cold. You are in constant danger of losing fingers and toes to frostbite.

It is into this world that Huck and Molly race.

They cannot stop. They cannot turn back. They can only go on. Lives hang in the balance—including theirs.”

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Note from Anne: it was a pleasure to read this lovely story (especially as a fellow dog lover) and an honour to feature it on my blog. You can expect to see more from Andrew here in the near future!

About Anne (231 Articles)
Dutch book reviewer who reviews in English. Grammar nazis beware!! I like brownies. And chamomile tea.

23 Comments on Guest Post by Andrew Joyce: Danny and The Three Monsters

  1. Danny the Dog is a mighty storyteller… I wonder what would he make of the three pooches I have at home 😀

    Resolution itself seems like a really adventurous read. I’ve been obsessed with the Gold Divers, Gold Rush shows on TV.. well, I was last year! And more recently with other shows that present the life in Alaska, etc.. so I can see how this could be a pleasing read…

    Liked by 4 people

    • I know right? He should start his own adventure series!

      Ooh, have you seen Deadwood? I’m not entirely sure if it’s about the Gold Rush, but it had the same western like atmosphere. I’ve only seen 1 episode of it, though >.>. Gawd, Alaska <3. I used to watch Men in Trees simply because of the Alaskan background. Yummy! But the book! Yes, I might end up giving it a go as well :).

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Dear Danny, the dog

    While I am sure that your human is very nice and all, I find that I have a difficult time trusting anything the two-leggeds say. It is, therefore, upon your suggestion ALONE that I made the trip to Amazon and purchased your human’s book, “Resolution”.

    You are quite the handsome four-footed person. I hope your human really does appreciate you. Should you ever hanker for a vsit to the gulf coast side of Florida, a bit further from the beach, I live in Pinellas County, right off of Tampa Bay. I can’t promise that my kitty would be thrilled, but my husband (who lost his “Boomer, the dog”, in 2004) would love to meet you!

    Your 2-legged friend
    Pearl

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hahaha, thanks Pearl! 😀 I’m sure Danny’s very happy to hear that as well! ❤ (was boomer actually a boomer doggy as well?)

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeahhh…”Boomer da dawg” was a miniature sheepdog with sad, droopy eyes, whose idea of playing with me was to drop his head and “chugga chugga choo choo” push-chase me around the living room floor…and then switch up with me doing the same thing to him. He was stinky, but sweet 😀 And when we would get a thunder/lightning storm, he’d pull on me to go to the bedroom and get in the bed so he could hide under the covers while I “protected” him!

        He might have been hubby’s dog, but he was my sweetie. He was 17 when he finally just went to sleep.

        I cried.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Awwwe, that is so cute and sad at the same time :'(. I can understand that he’s still missed. But 17…my goodness!! That’s like what? 119 in human years?? Now there‘s a fossil for ya. You guys never thought of getting another dog after him?

          Liked by 1 person

          • Something like that! Bless him, he passed on to doggy heaven after lingering for 4 days. I cried like a baby.

            Well, we thought about it. But we wound up moving in with Guy’s mother and I became primary care-giver to her AND my husband (brain aneurysm…another story!), and she had 2 greyhounds, a huge American boxer and Raven, a black Lab (a Hurricane Katrina dog, rescued from the waters in New Orleans); Raven had the same fear…and took the same comfort…as Boomer, during electrical storms.

            Plus we had our kitty, Rain (funniest thing in the world to see a 1 year old kitty lording it over a total of 600 lbs of canine flesh!!), and half a dozen guinea pigs. Life was full!

            All we have left is Rain. Finances right now, plus the fact that kitty is now 13 yrs old, precludes another fur baby. But I’m sure that, should we outlive our precious Rain, the Humane Society or SPCA will be getting a visit from us.

            As for me, my dream is for an Irish Wolfhound. Go figure!!

            Liked by 1 person

            • I once locked myself inside the shed with the body of my dead dog and bawled the entire neighbourhood to attention, so I totally get ya! Oh my, so you had to care for 3 people (including yourself) anda lovely farm-worthy amount of animals?? Ah yes, animals are expensive, I already spent 6k on my dog this year, and that was for his surgery alone. Haha, I like those as well! Big dogs are usually the sweetest ‘little’ creatures :).

              Liked by 1 person

            • I guess I’ve been caring for people most of my life, starting at age 16 when I volunteered at the local hospital. Spending time with the elderly, especially, is like immersing yourself in an historical novel…I love it! Oh shoot…i’M elderly now! Reckon that’s why I spend so much time with me, writing?!!

              As for animals…they’re so much easier to get along with than people, sometimes. No surprises, you know? But yes, it seems the bigger the dog, the bigger the love you get! I just hope my finances are up to it, by the time I get around to finding my wolfhound friend!!

              Liked by 1 person

            • Oh wow! Haha! I know what you mean, I used to hang around elderly people whenever I could until I was 19 or so and then the ones I knew had all died. The stories, the creativity, the knowledge, AND, something a lot of people aren’t aware of: playfulness! Maybe that’s why grandparents are always great companions for little kids. I have way more faith in animals than in people. If you ever do get that dog, take pics and post’em! 😀

              Liked by 1 person

            • And then there’s the fact that we granny-types have entered our 2nd childhood by then!

              I think the hardest part of being The Old Fossil is that there aren’t many more older fossils than me to enjoy! One of the favourite parts of my ministry was elder visitations; then I started volunteering at our local hospice when I got too close to age 60…and all for just the reasons you mentioned.

              I certainly will post pics if & when I ever get my huge fur baby!

              Liked by 1 person

    • I am quite handsome aren’t I? Thanks for buying the book. I’ll tell the old guy that you bought it at my behest. I’ll con Andrew into giving me an extra treat tonight.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Reblogged this on Andrew Joyce.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. First, may I say I love your blog? It just makes me burn for a brownie, my favorite treat – which my human will not let me have. Second, Danny is quite the character, and a handsome canine – just look at that smile! His writing ain’t too shabby either. Last but not least – RESOLUTION. My human asked me to report this: “Having followed Mr. Joyce’s writing career and having read his first two novels, I eagerly awaited publication of RESOLUTION, and I was not disappointed! Loved it, couldn’t put it down. Because Joyce really knows how to end a chapter. Every time. If you like well written historical fiction, with a bit of old-fashioned (ie, clean) romance lightly sprinkled among all the action, you will love RESOLUTION.” (Geez, she talks a lot.)

    Liked by 2 people

    • Awe, thank you Zoe! You really shouldn’t eat those indeed. Although one of my furry friends ate a whole chocolate bar once (by accident) and just ripped two farts and that was that (but don’t tell your human I said that!). You know what, with this kind of enthusiasm, I don’t know what I’m waiting for. It’s on sale now anyways, so it would actually be dumb not to buy it now. shuffles off to Amazon. Thank you both for commenting! 🙂

      Like

      • Great idea! And now I see you have bought it–Andrew ought to give me a stroke or lick my fur in gratitude….or at least send me a treat, don’t ya think? Well, to be fair, I guess it was my human’s enthusiasm that helped spur you on (no pun intended), BUT I did all the typing!
        P.S. Here she is again….says if you like it, post an “enthusiastic” review on Amazon. I guess she wants a treat too…. :::Cheshire grin::::

        Liked by 1 person

      • He sure should! Free catnip for the rest of the year (for you, not for your human. I tried it myself one time: not a success)!
        Oh hello human! I always try to do so alongside the other public book places :). How about a special brownie? I mean, I am from Holland wink, wink

        Like

  5. ichabod2014ic // 23/06/2016 at 22:26 // Reply

    Fun story, Danny.
    Good boy!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Reblogged this on Poetry by Pamela and commented:

    Love Andrew’s books. Check them out. Download them. Read them. Tell your friends about them. Review them.

    Like

  7. Always glad to hear from. resolution is good. I am reading it now.

    Liked by 1 person

2 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. Guest Post by Andrew Joyce: Danny and The Three Monsters – Kate McClelland
  2. Guest Post by author Andrew Joyce | Inked Brownies

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