I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what’s appropriate to share throughout my blog posts and what isn’t. But today, I thought: it’s my blog, so, apart from being disrespectful to others, I can pretty much say whatever I want on here right? Is it socially awkward/inappropriate? Probably, but I tend to overshare a lot in real life as well, and can’t give two shits on whether people find it appropriate or not. On the internet, however, there’s also the issue of privacy. What if I shared some experiences I’ve had with someone on here without the consent of that person? I always considered that to be a definite no-go zone. However, now I’m thinking that as long as I don’t mention any names, no one should be offended because no one will know who I’m talking about? Unless you’re a follower who’s in my friends- or family circle. Chances are, you already knew it then anyways. Either way, as long as I’m not sure of which way to go when it comes to other people’s lives, I’m not touching that subject. When it comes to my own life, however, it’s entirely up to me.
So here’s a little vent regarding my circumstances lately. If you feel like I’m oversharing, and it makes you uncomfortable, rest assured, this will still remain a blog which is primarily focussing on books. When personal circumstances are interfering with my blogging schedule, as they have been doing for the past month or so, I feel like I owe an explanation (I know I don’t owe anyone anything, but meh) to the people who actually read my posts.
After having excruciating pain 7 days out of the month since December (so bad I wanted to go to the ER), I only recently found out it was being caused by endometriosis. Almost every time I tell someone about this, I get this WTF-look with them having no clue whatsoever on what it is. Here’s a little awareness raising ;).
Endometriosis is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant). Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, bowel or the tissue lining your pelvis. Rarely, endometrial tissue may spread beyond your pelvic region.
Endometriosis can cause pain — sometimes severe — especially during your period. Fertility problems also may develop. Fortunately, effective treatments are available.
So I have the endometriomas (‘ironically’ called chocolate cysts), and most likely fertility problems as well. I’m getting everything checked out at the moment including the most painful examination I’ve ever had: a hysterosalpingogram (HSG). Radiographic contrast (dye) is injected into the uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix. The uterine cavity fills with dye, and if the fallopian tubes are open, dye fills the tubes and spills into the abdominal cavity. They can then see if there are any fibroids, tumours, and other blockage factors. My X-rays turned out good, so that was something at least, but OMG THE PAIN! I will get the results of all my tests on the 27th of June. It will be decided then if I need a laparoscopy to spot the actual source of pain (the cause is still unconfirmed to this day because the big cyst and fibroid are on the other side).
While I was winding down after all the hospital visits last week, one day after I wrote my review on The Curious Charms of Arthur Pepper in which I discussed growing old together and the impact of remaining behind after one spouse has died, my dad went to the hospital for a colonoscopy. He participated in a national screening for bowel cancer awhile ago, and his results came back shittily (pun intended). We still didn’t think all too much about it until last Friday. Twelve fibroids and something ‘unidentifiable’ were found in his bowels. The surgeon said it didn’t look good. Later that day, my mother collapsed from exhaustion and stress. Three times in a row. Since my parents are 75+ years old, something like that can be incredibly scary for me. What if my mother gets a heart attack, dies, and then my father will officially be diagnosed with bowel cancer? The thoughts of me becoming an orphan haven’t left my mind since Friday. Unless I die first, it is obviously inevitable that this will happen some day. But please, please, not yet.
My dad is getting more X-rays and a CT-scan tomorrow, and we will hear all the results of those tests, including a biopsy they took, this upcoming Friday.
The whole thing has left me apathetic when it comes to books, blogging, and socialising. I can’t read or write much without losing my focus. Hence, there wasn’t a review post today, last week was a mess, and this week will also be a mess. It doesn’t by any means indicate that I’m slowly letting this blog bleed to death. Everything will just be a lot less scheduled/more low maintenance during the entire summer probably, but I’m enjoying this way too much to be one of those bloggers who already give up after a year. Heck, my blogiversary will be up on the 15th of August, and I intend to celebrate the shit out of it if I can! *drops mic*
You guys are awesome ❤